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Mothering Decolonized with Yolanda Williams

decolonize mother praxis Dec 20, 2021

Yolanda Williams shares her journey into mothering and how the transition led her to become a disruptor of the status quo with her work to decolonize parenting. 

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Biography

Yolanda is a Conscious Parenting Coach, Social Justice Instructor, and most importantly a single Mom to one amazing toddler. She's seeking liberation for Black children by helping parents learn how to be more conscious, intentional parents. Becoming a mom radicalized her in ways she never imagined. Yolanda became a disruptor of the status quo by centering her activism on decolonization techniques: helping white parents and educators address white supremacy and guiding Black parents through the process of healing intergenerational traumas by offering tools and techniques that will help free Black children from fear-based, oppressive parenting and educational practices. 

 

Topics

  • How her transition into motherhood changed her relationship to herself and inspired Parenting Decolonized
  • What was missing from other parenting approaches she researched in her earliest mothering
  • Why parenting is largely about approaching our growth potential holistically as parents
  • Ways anti-black oppression shapes parenting in the US of North America and how she focuses on potential while historicizing and contextualizing parenting
  • How white culture cuts settler mothers off from community and belonging and paths towards connective alternatives
  • How we can support this growth in ourselves and other mothers and connnect individual to the collective change 

 

Resources

Yolanda's website : www.parentingdecolonized.com 

Yolanda's shop: www.parentingdecolonized.shop 

Parenting Decolonized Podcast: https://parentingdecolonized.com/podcast/  

Coaching with Yolanda: https://parentingdecolonized.com/podcast/ 

Become a Patron: https://www.patreon.com/parentingdecolonized

Join the Collective: https://parentingdecolonized.com/join-the-collective/ 

 

Transcript

Please excuse typos. Created with AI.

 

SPEAKERS

Allison, Yolanda

 

Yolanda  00:00

As a mother like works on herself and heals herself, she heals generations of people before her and even behind her because if we think about time it is not linear, right? So this work that we're doing as mothers is so, so important to not just our immediate family, but to everyone around us because as you transform you also transform the community if you allow yourself to.

 

Allison  00:37

Work Welcome to Mother Praxis a podcast for mothers challenging norms and reenvisioning motherhood for ourselves, our families and our planet. I'm Dr. Allison Davis, a counselor, educator and researcher of perinatal and maternal mental health and a mother walking this path with you. Today I'm excited to share my conversation with Yolanda Williams of parenting decolonised. Yolanda is a conscious parenting coach, social justice instructor, and most importantly, a single mom to one amazing toddler seeking liberation for black children. By helping parents learn how to be more conscious, intentional parents, becoming a mother radicalize Yolanda in ways she could never imagine. She became a disruptor of the status quo by centering her activism on decolonization techniques, helping white parents and educators address white supremacy, and guiding black parents through the process of healing intergenerational traumas by offering tools and techniques that will help free black children from fear based oppressive parenting and educational practices. Liberation starts at home in your mind. And as Yolanda says, the time to commit to decolonizing our minds and committing to liberated parenting is.

 

Allison  02:00

Yolanda, I'm so grateful for you to be on the podcast today and talk a little bit about your mothering journey. Do you think you could introduce us to you and your work, and maybe weave in how becoming a mother has transformed both of those things?

 

Yolanda  02:15

Yeah. So thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here. I have a podcast called parents decolonised. It started with just me wanting to discuss positive discipline with black parents. But I started to really explore like, how colonization and enslavement impacted our parenting decisions. I don't think that's discussed enough. And so I started the podcast, and it's grown into a much bigger movement than I ever thought it would. And the only reason I have this podcast is because I became a mother, obviously, I didn't even like children. So. So becoming a mom has transformed me in in so many ways, it definitely radicalized me, make me made me become an activist, and also really just helped me to see like the beauty of children, I really didn't like children. And I realized that I didn't like them because of my own upbringing, and my own trauma that I had with seeing with that feeling like I was a burden to my mom. And so that's how I view children, like little burdens running around, you know, but then once I had her, I realized that if I allowed, allowed it, she is going to teach me so much about myself about life, about how to be a better person, as well as how to be a better parent. So it has just been an amazing journey, doing this podcast, myself learning about decolonizing, learning more about how to be conscious, but also learning to be a mom, I don't think that learning ever ends. Yeah,

 

Allison  03:49

yeah, I want to, maybe you can drop into that a little bit more. And you're in that kind of period of rapid change that happens every time you have a child for some people say, three to five years. But what does this transition like look like for you? And how did it change your relationship with yourself?

 

Yolanda  04:08

So, I mean, I really thought my life was going to be I thought it was gonna be in Belize, like working remotely, and just living the single life. And so actually got pregnant in Belize. And because I was going out there to like, I was really gonna move. So everything about my life transform, but really, it made me look at what do I need to heal? Like, I had to ask myself that question. Because once I realized I didn't want did not want to raise my daughter the way I was raised. I've then had to do a lot of research to figure out like, what does that look like that because I didn't have any examples of the opposite of that. So I had to seek it out mostly on Facebook, mostly blogs, and I think found positive discipline and conscious parenting, but it never really explored, like, the cultural reasons that came up. You know, for a lot of black parents, there's a lot of cultural reasons that why we parent the way we do. And so I really had to look at all of that, and look at my life and look at my trauma, and figure out how I was going to work through it heal. And really just know myself better in order to be a different parent, because I had, like I said, No footprint, and no one showing me in person, like, this is how you I had no clue how to regulate my emotions as an adult. So I had to, like relearn all of the things that I'm now trying to teach her, I had to learn it like 37. So it was really difficult instill is, um, I'm not through this whole, she's only three. And, and so I'm still learning how to control myself and how to be more cognizant of when my triggers start popping up, and how that makes me feel. And I'm constantly apologizing her because I'm not perfect. And sometimes I do things that are unconscious, but one thing I don't do is, is hit her. But I do get loud sometimes. And so I have to like learn myself, I'm still continuing this journey of learning myself.

 

Allison  06:28

Yeah. So I listened to a lot of your work. And kind of what you just brought in there is decolonizing theory is such a gift for everyone, because it's about recontextualizing knowledge, how we know how we can be and how we can, you know, work in this world and other work in particular. And that's one of the things that's big in mental health, as well as you just kind of erase anything that's outside the individual bio psychological and not think about the social, cultural, and then also the environmental. So kind of what knowledge or resources and just consciousness Have you developed as a result of this mothering journey that has these social implications or even environmental implications?

 

Yolanda  07:18

I mean, I just learned that conscious parenting, you see, I use, I don't even use conscious and positive parenting synonymously I think they're two different things. And the reason why I gravitate towards this conscious parenting is because it's about me now. Like, it's about me, being conscious of myself, my environment, my mindset, my trauma, all these things which affect my parenting. And I don't think that that's discussed very much or as often as needs to be discussed. This kind of parenting is definitely a privileged perspective. If you have you grew up in an environment where you are constantly your your stress response is just it's constantly going your, your nervous system is dysregulated. How that doesn't stop because you became a parent. And so I've had to definitely seek out experts. There's somebody, his name is Sean, Dr. Sean gins, right? He has a certification called the healing centered in a healing centered engagement. And he really, he really wants to remove that whole trauma informed perspective and go to a more healing centered, he's like, we are not, we are not our trauma, we but we have to acknowledge that the trauma exists. But then we have to move past that and look at how like holistically who this person is, because if we traumas trauma, informed stuff really focuses on the trauma, which does not do anyone, any any good services, we have to move beyond the trauma and look past to the actual person. But in order to do that, we have to understand the cultural, the environment, environmental, and all these other aspects of their lives. So I've just really sought out people who are doing this work, but it's hard to find. It's really hard to find. As I'm trying to grow myself, that's why on my podcast, I'm really like, I'm not an expert. I'm bringing in the experts, because I don't know and I need for y'all to tell me. So I'm listening back to my own podcast, like, Thank you for giving me that piece of knowledge because I had no idea. So I'm trying to use this also, my podcast and everything that I do as a as a learning vehicle for myself as well. Hope to answer the question.

 

Allison  09:51

Yeah, well, maybe so do you suggest people look into conscious parenting and positive discipline and maybe Give us some background on those because those are might be new terms.

 

Yolanda  10:03

Okay. So you know, when I first got started, I started researching positive parenting, a positive discipline came up. And that was really like. And that's what I got my certification is for, for parent coaching is through positive discipline. And it really focuses on the emotional wellness of the child, and making sure that you, you know that the consequences and discipline are aligned with their like emotional well being, that's how I think about it, and aligned with how they actually learn how their brain how their brain, at any given at certain ages is able to process information. We know that children when they're hit or being yelled at, are not able to process information really well at all. However, that's how most of the country disciplines, children, or punishes, I should say. So positive discipline is more about like, this is how like, almost like techniques to help you see your child, your child's fully Manatee and help them become like a really whole healthy person. But for me, it leaves out the parent, and the fact that most parents aren't whole and healthy people. So if you are not a whole unhealthy person, yourself trying to do positive discipline, it's gonna seem really, really hard for you. damn near impossible. So that's why I gravitated towards conscious parenting, which is about the parent more than it is about the child is about the parents mentality, their trauma, looking at their backgrounds, their childhood, where they're at, currently, how they're able to regulate their emotions, and what they were taught about conflict resolution. And if all of those things are sort of, for me, I didn't have very much training in any of those areas. I knew I needed to work on those things in order to be a positive parent. Does that make sense? So in order for me to actually perform the act of positive discipline, I have to be a conscious person of myself. And I had to it. So it's a whole mindset change from really focusing on my daughter, and focusing more on myself. And then I can be able to pour into my daughter from a different perspective.

 

Allison  12:41

How does that fit in within your own frame of decolonizing parenting?

 

Yolanda  12:47

When it comes to parenting in the black community, you know, first of all, most across the border, United States, you know, everything is like 70% of households make their kids but black parents are 60% more likely to do it. And that's, that's a cultural thing that came from enslavement. And in order to be able to understand the implications of that, because it's not just like, Okay, I hit my kid for, for discipline, I want them to be a good person. It came from a really anti black, really, you know, dehumanizing place. If we look at history, black parents have only been able to be parents for a little over 170 years now, before that, their kids didn't belong to them, right? They, they were owned by someone else. And so they weren't able to parent their children. And if we historically look at who was brought over here on these slave ships, it was able bodied, younger Africans. And so who taught these Africans how to be parents? How do they learn how to be parents, they learn that on a plantation is as enslaved people, and that has been passed down those that colonization that colonization is really just like it's almost like when you have no, no history. It was like you're forced to deny your history, deny your culture, deny your language, die your religion, and then take on the traits of the colonizer. That all goes into how we parent. And so part of decolonizing is this conscious parenting is looking at what part of this parenting comes from that place. What part of the way I speak about myself and about children, comes from seeing people as property comes from seeing you thinking that black bodies need violence in order to in order to be compliant, and why do we need to be compliant? So it's just a constant questioning of what we were, what we were taught back in the day, and what has now been ingrained in this through all these years, you know, hundreds of years of anti black oppression. And so that's why they kind of go hand in hand. That's another reason I am more prone to talk about conscious parenting than positive parenting. Because, again, the consciousness of understanding like, as a black parent, there are some underlying issues that I have to uncover in order for me to understand in order for me to be a better parent, then I'm able to make sure am I passing that stuff on to my daughter? But also, that I'm continuing to question literally everything that we do.

 

Allison  15:53

Yeah, have you found so when you know, I love going back to what you said earlier. So I've been trained as a trauma focused therapist for for a long time doing EMDR and other stuff to get in there. And then I love eco therapy and art therapy to pull back and really have a more holistic frame to hold that because it is like a part of our kind of Western colonizing mindset, that it's the serious work, it's the hard work, it's the going in there, and like really focusing on what can be fixed, and then everything will shift. But I'm wondering how you do that to pull in those gifts and that holistic focus, while you're historicizing. Again, you know, like what we hold in our bodies, and what we've learned in these parenting spaces

 

Yolanda  16:38

is constant, I have to, sometimes I'm not good at it, I'm not going to lie, because it is stressful. It is tiring, to you know, the ones the wolves pull from your eyes, you didn't see everything differently. So you can't unsee that. And I'm constantly having to protect myself against knowing it's, it's something called the curse of knowing is, there's a thing, where it's like, the more like the more you know, sometimes like the worse you can feel. And so I have to protect myself mentally against against the feelings of just like man, will it ever be different will ever can, is making a difference even within myself. Because when we think about the systems that are in place, these bigger systems, white supremacy, capitalism, patriarchy, and we realize that they are linked to almost everything. In order, in order for those systems to still be in place. We have to be invested in them in some way. And we have to also be gatekeeping for them in some way. And that's just the truth, whether you're black, white, or whatever. So I have to always be questioning that, like, how am I investing in these systems in this time, so I have to take care of myself, I have to, I'm seeking out information. But as I seek out information, I've take breaks, I have to make sure that I am not internalizing the stuff that I'm reading in the stuff that the stuff that I'm finally becoming more awake to. But I don't know how to do that sometimes, because I am a single mom, and I don't have the luxury of being able to turn off all the time, you know. And so it's just it's really, it's it's hard work. It's stressful work. I need a lot of breaks.

 

Allison  18:51

Yeah, what do you do on those breaks that take, you

 

Yolanda  18:53

literally lay on the sofa, and I need to get better at this, this is something that I really want to change. But I also realized that I have ADHD, and I do some disassociating in order for me to like cope. And let me tell you, I love me some 90s Roseanne, so I will lay on the sofa and watch vintage Roseanne episodes. Okay, and just zoned out. And so I'm just my brain is constantly thinking, you know, I'm always on and that's not isn't helpful for me in this space where I'm trying to learn how to be more balanced. I haven't figured it out yet.

 

Allison  19:34

Yeah, it seems really hard because it's that chronic stress of doing this work, which is always about uncovering these wounds and going into them. In a context that's not supportive of that for many reasons we can we can probably imagine and go into a little bit more. But I wanted to ask you a question. You know, I do a lot of work with with mothers who want to re envision motherhood, but they want to do it from that individualists standpoint of me In my, my child and me and my family, and they really resist the larger cultural historical context of colonization of white supremacy, and how white motherhood in particular replicates those patterns. So what what can we do? Because you're doing this work all the time with such a large community, I'm sure you you have strategies.

 

Allison  20:26

Hi, I'm Alison, you're probably well aware of Yolanda's amazing podcast parenting decolonized. It's one I regularly listen to and always have a takeaway to chew on or implement in my own mother. But do you know about her shop parenting decolonised? After episode, go check out the good, my favorite, the cotton, all the rules are faked out. It's a great way to support Yolanda's liberatory work and invite some good conversation, you can go straight to the shop at www parenting decolonize that shop. Now back to our conversation.

 

Yolanda  21:09

For it, especially white parents, people, I think the biggest issue is that there is no community connection. Right? So when we talk about Black culture, you talk about like native culture, there is no white culture, because whiteness is something that people had to buy that you had to get rid of your culture in order to be considered white in this country. Right? So people came over here, they were super excited to see that statue. They're coming from Italy, and coming from Romania and all these places. And they quickly learned that their culture, you know, Irish, German, was going to be demonized unless they unless they switched over to just being white. And once they made that decision, it it cut like generations after that, there is no tie to any kind of culture. And what and when you have no cultural ties, how can you have community? You can't? There's no way to have community without any kind of what is white culture? So I ask people all the time, what is that? And nobody can answer because it's it's what is it? You know, so my suggestion is, as part of part of my decolonizing work is to come back home. So it's what I call it, I call it coming back home to myself. And I went and got myself a little DNA test. And I found out that, you know, most of my DNA is from Nigeria. And unfortunately, 24% of it is white. And I say unfortunately, because that means I'm not I have no white relatives. So that means a lot from my past. You know, ancestry was probably pretty violent. But I was so excited to know that 54% of he was Nigerian, and I want to learn as much as I can about Nigeria. And actually, I'm going to take another one. So I can further narrow that down, because even seeing Nigeria is a colonized thing. Like they didn't have. They had, you know, tribes in cultural like little sects of people they didn't have, it wasn't just the whole, the whole country. So I want to figure out what that tribe was, or is, and I'm going to learn as much as I can. And that's what I that's what I tell y'all to do to white people is to figure out like, what is your family's culture? And how can you connect to that, because once you start connecting to that culture, in it, start to see yourself as a collective, that you can see how we are all connected. But you can't see that because whiteness tells you that you have to be an individual. If you look up the ethic, it's like eight traits of of eight white supremacy traits. I think what I think it is, is eight or 10. I forgot. It is rugged individualism is one of them. And so as as parents are looking to white parents, specifically, are looking to make all these changes. It's not from a collective place. It's not like well, how, what are the changes I'm going to make him in my family to make sure that I'm ushering in a whole new world like a whole new. I want to reimagine when I talk about when I talk about reimagining. I'm talking about it from a very large, very like I want to see I read Imagine a completely different world, not just my family, but like how we all interact with each other. And for people without any ties to other people, that can be really hard. So I think that's the best thing that y'all could do in order to start seeing how we are in this together, because right now, everybody, you know, is just grasping at straws, trying to figure it out alone. And the moment that we start seeing that, if we, if we start doing this together, will be more effective is when we can overthrow these.

 

Yolanda  25:38

The system's, I will say something else, but I didn't want to get in trouble. So, so I'm just saying, like, we just have to, we have to be willing to kind of go back into the past. And in some of that might be scary for white people. I know someone just revealed recently, like, she was like, we found out some really terrible history from like a great, great, great, great grandparent. And I'm like, and you might, but that's part of your history, knowing is better than not knowing. But go back further than that. Where are they from? You know, because everyone came from somewhere. No, if you're white, you are a settler. Here. That's just the truth. So where did what did your people come from and look at those traditions, and then figure out how you can connect with them and teach your children about them. So they can grow up feeling like they're part of a culture, and not just part of whiteness?

 

Allison  26:31

Yeah. And when we do that question about whiteness, it's always comes down to that domination. Right? That's what that's what white culture is. And that's why there's that resistance to community that perfectionism and the individualism you talk about. And the lack of imagination, you can't see beyond it without going back and doing some ancestral healing. So I, I appreciate you saying like, it is about going back and repairing those lines. I mean, what do you think is the support mothers need for these transformations that are happening as we re envision our micro relationships with children to have that larger effect? I know you talk a lot about that imagination and holding space for whatever needs to happen in between here and there. Do you want to say more about that or other strategies you use?

 

Yolanda  27:25

I am all about finding your people. So if you are like, I want to do all this, but the people around me are unsupportive. I mean, I mean, that happens to the black community, too. I just asked how, as far as like a breastfeeding journey, did you have support and most black women did not have support and that's again, something from enslavement. So if you find out if you are like I want to make these changes, I want to figure out, you know, my heritage, I want to be an anti racist, which is a verb, y'all is not just a name you give yourself, I want to do the things that make me an anti racist, and bring me closer to being an accomplice in this whole fight for social justice. That you need to find people who are also on that same path. Because if you're trying to do it alone, you're gonna quit. It's hard. Any, that's the whole point. We're not supposed to be doing things alone. So find your people, they may be on Facebook, they may be on Reddit, I don't know, you may surprise yourself and do like, put a meetup and meetup.com and be like, Listen, I'm looking for people who are like mindedness, that the other, I want to start meeting up, I want to start doing these are the actions I want to do. You might be surprised about the folks who are looking for the same type of thing in your community. I believe everyone is so afraid to be wrong. And so afraid to put themselves out there, which is another trait of white supremacy, culture, perfectionism, that you miss out on community building, you have to be willing to be vulnerable, and be willing to say, I don't know how to do this. So I need I need help. I need to find people who are like minded, and we need to find the experts to help us. But you won't be able to do it alone. You're not supposed to even try to do it alone. You can do the inner stuff alone. But the outward, like once you start to talk about it, and people around you are who don't think the same way as you they're going to try to convince you otherwise. It's it's safer to be in a bubble of whiteness, it just is and you have to be prepared to lose stuff. Friends, you know, certain family members might cut you off. But this is you either. To me there's there's there's no way to be in the middle here. You're either like doing the work and you're willing to I'm gonna take that back, you can progress you can progress from, you know, wanting to do the work to actually like really being in it. And really being willing to lose people things money, that when you get to that place, your mind has already been transformed, and you are not easily swayed from your mission. But in that middle part when you're like, still trying to figure out like, how do I talk about this? How, how do I stop from being wrong all the time? I'm embarrassed. That part is the hard part. And that's where you need support. So find your people is my suggestion.

 

Allison  30:36

Yeah. How do you situate the kind of day to day mother work that can be really isolating within that kind of larger movement work. Like because I hear you kind of like you're going you're spiraling really nicely between them. And they feel so purposeful, together. And then our experiences sometimes like, much different

 

Yolanda  31:01

is, and I think it's much different, because again, we hold on to so much ourselves, we hold on to a lot of shame, and guilt. And when our kids are sick, or hurting, or they make a mistake, we hold on to that as well. Where we hold on to this idea of what motherhood should be. We we read all these books in these blogs and listen to these podcasts. And instead of us saying that's really great advice, and then looking at my life and being like, but does it apply to me? We just be like, That's great advice. It should apply to me. And it's just like, stop shitting yourself, man, start saying, Does this apply to me and my lifestyle, and if it doesn't, that's okay. Be one let go. And just know that. And by the way, another trait of white supremacy, culture is worship of the written word. And, and so that needing to be perfect all the time, because this book said, so this expert said, so it's gonna keep you trapped, you have to be willing to look around and be like, so for instance, like Jia, she is autistic, I had to learn that I don't have the same rolls for my house as other people have. I let her get on her tablet, it is a learning thing for her, she thrives on it. For other people, their kids are not like that. So we have to be willing to take this amazing advice from these experts. But also our lived experiences are just as valid. And seeing ourselves in our lived experiences as just as valid, helps to get all that shame and guilt out out of your system.

 

Allison  32:35

That's really what I try to think about and talk about with practices, right? It's the practice that is informing the theory. Yes, you know, in a perfect world of that kind of movement up but we don't often hear from mothers true practices, because everybody's doing the performance.

 

Yolanda  32:54

This is so performative, motherhood, and we got to start being honest about it. I'm very, very, very honest about my struggles. I talk about how it's hard for me to not be violent, because that's what's in like I was raised that way. So that's where the consciousness comes in. I have to say, I know this is part of my upbringing. So I have to work extra hard to not be violent. And I say that without shame. Because I know, so many people need to hear that. And I know that once I say it, they can feel better about themselves, like, because people will and you should even want to hit your kids. Okay, but I do. But I don't. Right. So I that that comes up that I want to pop our hand. But the action is that I don't. So that's what matters, you know, I'm saying so we have to be willing to be to, to be easy on ourselves and give ourselves grace. And understanding that just because you have a thought doesn't make you a terrible person, your actions doesn't have to match your thoughts and it's okay. If you make a mistake. Sometimes you just always have to be willing to be better every single time. So just being honest about the fact that motherhood is effing difficult. Being a mom with social media is even harder, and not being so disconnected from each other makes it so much harder than that. We just have to we have to come together, we have to feel so much shame about our lived experiences. I don't feel any.

 

Allison  34:24

I think that's so important. When you broaden the discussion earlier to this intergenerational trauma, we hold within through epigenetics and like our ancestors live within us. And to kind of remove that shame of this mother work you're talking about, which is about going into that in historicizing. It I think is really important, because that can be such a big block. It can be you talked about children experiencing childhood, as you know, just total domination, you know, on some of your lives that have been watching and one of your recent podcasts. I learned that See if you'd say a little bit more about that, as we kind of wrap up,

 

Yolanda  35:03

yeah, children are like, you know, the big, the, I'm a part of a marginalized group and a marginalized gender. My daughter is a child, she is autistic, she's a, you know, a female. And she has all these in she's black, right? So that's for marginalized things that she is going through right now in her small little body three years old. And I have to learning to see her as a person was something that I didn't see kids in their humanity. When I was before I had her. I had a nice and everything. And I still don't fully see her humanity either. I really did feel that children needed to be dominated. And, and that just speaks to a lot of cultural, cultural things. And I think just doing that internal work, and seeing our own humanity, because that's the problem is that we don't see our own humanity, we don't see ourselves as valid, we don't see our voices as valid. So here comes this kid who left his voice. And it's just like just a ball of rawness. And we're offended by it, because we've never been allowed to be that. And so now, it really takes for us to, like be cognizant of that feeling. Like, that's why it bothers me that she's so outspoken because I was never able to be, you know, and it's not from a place of shaming your parents or guilting your parents, it's just an acknowledgement that I have some work to do, in order for me to see my because you could do to to see my child as a full human with all these amazing emotions, who I want to not have to be 40 trying to figure out how to regulate them. So I mean, when we talk about just the total domination of kids, it's, it's like from parenting to schooling, it doesn't stop unless we make really different choices for our lives for our children. For me, personally, I'm going to be working on moving, I'm going to be working on building an intentional community, very partnered with like a black women, all mothers who are we want to raise our kids together, and live in this release safe space, and educate our children. And make sure if they are built up from the inside out. And when they're, you know, when they're if they want to leave, because they don't have to, they will have this armor already built up. Because if I put her she's in season a developmental preschool, but if I put her in an elementary school in Arkansas, she will be damaged the school even if she's coming home to me, the school system, which allows spanking, which allow, which is very dehumanizing to autistic children will, like do some really big damage to her, and I refuse to have her in that place. But that means I have to make some lifestyle choices for for her for us. And so it looks it really, if you are looking to figure out like man, how do I get out of it like, my kids are? My kids are suffering because I'm at home and I'm trying to be conscious, but they're still in this world. Well, you got to look at what can you do? What what changes can you make? These are big things. They're not easy things. There's a lot of privilege to be able to even make a change. But I was like, I can't do this alone. And I need a village. And that's how I'm making the change for me personally.

 

Allison  38:50

What words would you like to share were at the end of our time together. And I really want to thank you for sharing your story and also a little bit about your work. But maybe you could share a little bit more about the work that you do to support mothers and the community that you hold space for.

 

Yolanda  39:07

I mean, you know, I have my podcast, parents decolonized you can listen to it or anywhere you listen to podcasts. I also have parenting conferences. And I really explore in those conferences, conscious parenting but also reimagining a more liberated future. You know that, as a mother like works on herself and heals herself, she heals generations of people before her and even behind her because if we think about time, it is not linear, right? So this work that we're doing as mothers is so so important to not just our immediate family, but to everyone around us because as you transform you also transform the community if you allow yourself to. So I really hope that you know, you listen to my podcast You check out some conferences that I may be having you can go to pot. Where am I trying to say, parenting decolonised.com. To see if I have any upcoming events, I always have workshops. And I also have a paid membership called conscious parenting for social justice collective, where parents can come together and discuss really hard things in a safe space. So we can work through this stuff that comes up in a place where you will not be attacked, you will be held accountable, but you won't be attacked. So those are just some of the ways that I support mothers and I just want to say like, moms, Be easy on yourself, be gentle. You deserve gentleness, too. And you deserve grace. And you deserve rest. So in those moments where the kids aren't around and you have some quiet don't do any housework, sit down somewhere, take a nap, because you deserve a nap.

 

Allison  41:11

Thank you so much for listening. Season Two of Mother Praxis explores mother Praxis that nurtures personal and planetary wellness. I'd love to support you in your psycho ecological development possibly reframing any eco anxiety or eco grief you've come into as a mother. Visit mother praxis.com for a free download of my eBook motherhood as an ecological awakening. Again, that's mother praxis.com and scroll down to get what I call a primer, a week of resources exploring the ecological initiations of your transition into motherhood. And please remember to follow rate and share these episodes to help amplify this perspective. So it can reach other mothers too.

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